Relationships

There has been chaos, anger, frustration and bitterness that have consumed my thoughts for quite some time now.  Not 24/7, but in waves.  It comes and goes, sometimes mild and then sometimes it comes as a sucker punch to the stomach, taking my breath away and at the same time causing excruciating pain.  What kind of situation would cause this kind of emotional upheaval, some might wonder.  The question is not what, but who?  These are feelings and emotions that rage when the thought of a “friend” comes to my mind.  How can this person be called a friend?  Why would I invest my time and energy into another that causes that kind of reaction?  Well, this hasn’t always been the case, so what has changed? Well, I have.

Here’s the reality and the awareness that has come to my mind.  When a person changes or starts to see or believe things differently than what they did in the past, it upsets and causes commotion to what was.  What “is” now is no longer what “was” and harmony is lost. It can cause pain and discomfort.  This pain is important, these feelings are valid and very real.  All of it has purpose. I may not know what the purpose is yet and it may take some time for me to figure it all out, but I am going to trust in the process. Does the thought of this friend rub me the wrong way? Yes, no doubt. Not always, but often. The reality is though, this is truly my problem and up to me to fix it.  Many say that when others rub us wrong or bug us, it is because we see something we struggle within ourselves in them. It is time to be honest with myself, take a good, long look in the mirror and start fixing the things that need to be fixed.

Sandpaper causes friction, heat, and often causes pain, but when it is done doing its job, it makes the masterpiece smooth and refined.

In this moment, I see clarity and I am grateful.